Valentine Woes

Hi Princess,

Let me start off by saying that I hate, HATE, LOATHE, when someone describes their relationship as "comfortable". I get it, don't get me wrong. You should absolutely be comfortable with the person you are with. You should feel comfortable to share, and say, and do and all that. But damn if that doesn't sound like you're settling.

My advice for anyone in a relationship is to continue to TRY to date each other. Continue to TRY to learn more about each other and learn from each other. Continue to TRY to show the other person in your relationship that you want them and care for them.

My advice to YOU is to communicate what you want. As annoying as it is to have to ask for everything... don't expect him to know without letting him know, ya know?

Did he ask you what you wanted to do for Valentine's Day? Did you tell him what you wanted? Did he offer to make a plan as a surprise? Did you?

Most importantly... did you tell him that you weren't completely happy with how the night ended up?

What does "go above and beyond for him" mean? Yes, we have a serious problem if you are planning dates, giving gifts, etc but the problem is not that he is being lazy or selfish the problem is with the expectation.

Now let me be clear, I am not saying you are wrong for expecting things from him - you (regardless of the fact that I don't know you) deserve someone that will give you what you want and need out of a relationship. BUT the expectation has to be set.

What is your love language? If giving gifts is how you show love, great do that but is that how your SO FEELS love? If receiving gifts is how YOU feel loved - have you done anything to let that be known?

Me personally, I love giving gifts, I love buying things for people, that is how I show "love". I do not love talking about how I feel, ya know the whole "words of affirmation" thing...Ilikegiving compliments and hyping someone up but that shit is rare. I am honestly quite the opposite of that and show someone I care through witty banter and (sometimes, okay most of the time) insults. It's fine if I say it with a smile, right? ANYWAYS... I know this about me, so someone who needs words of affirmation, we probably aren't going to do well but if I know that about the person, and care enough, I'll try harder to meet them where they're at.

I feel love through quality time and "acts of service", what this means for me is someone paying attention when I talk, being engaged with me regardless of what we are doing, and my person planning things for us to do together...and maybe you do my dishes, I dunno, just a suggestion.

This also means that I am not going to be happy hearing "You're beautiful, I love you, you're amazing". I know all those things, thank you. I need you to SHOW me you care about me.

You've gotta be willing to meet someone on their terms and allow them to meet you on yours.

Talk that shit out then come see me.

Happy v-day <3

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