So sex.... let's talk about it

Image of submission reading "Ida, am I a hoe if my body count is over 50?"

So first off - thank you.

Opening this question and seeing you refer to your sexual partners as a "body count". Wow. I laughed. I cried. I was confused. I fell in love. Thank you.

And my answer is absolutely not. Unless you want to be called a hoe then by all means, call yourself a hoe.

Own. That. Shit.

I am always interested when this topic comes up to hear how people, women especially, talk about their number.

Even when the vibe is right and someone is telling funny stories about their past sexcapades, everyone is laughing WITH THEM, and people are sharing and it is a seemingly sex positive space...there is still a tinge of hesitation? embarrassment? discomfort? shame? ...I'm not really sure. It usually seems as though everyone is hoping for someone to say "Oh THAT is your number?! Mine's higher." and then they'll sigh with relief, "whew, I'm not the slut in the room." WHY?!


Having a "high" number is nothing to be embarrassed about. What is even considered to be "high"? Who decides that?

The only person who should be deciding anything about YOUR sex life is YOU.

So there has actually been a lot of research and debate and blah blah blah over this topic. But you aren't here for that. And if you are - sorry - you made a mistake. You're here for my thoughts and opinions (for some reason) so here they are.

If you don't feel comfortable talking with friends about sex, don't. You don't owe anybody anything.

If you want to ask your partner their number - do it. If they don't want to answer. THEY. DON'T. HAVE. TO. so don't be a jerk and stop asking. If they do tell you, take that information, absorb it, and keep it movin'. Someone's number should never garner a reaction, positive or negative.

If your partner is an absolute ASS after hearing your number. Dump them. Do better. You deserve it.

If you are an an ASS after hearing someone's number. Move. Retreat. Go to therapy. Take your shit somewhere else entirely.

If you don't enjoy hearing about your friends' sex lives, tell them. Don't be judgmental and rude, obviously, but if you're uncomfortable hearing a graphic retelling of their most recent rendezvous, ask them to stop. Change the subject. But DON'T make them feel like they've done something wrong or gross or dirty. They haven't. You're just not interested and that is perfectly okay.

If you want to have sex with a different person every Friday night - go for it. Also, regularly go to your doctor. Stock up on protection - whatever that means for you and your partner and go. to. town. Be honest with your partner and open about your sex life, boundaries, preferences - all that. Just be safe, keep it consensual, and don't objectify or use people. kthx.

Moral of the story...

Having sex doesn't make you a slut.

Shaming someone for their sexual past makes you an ass.

Not having sex doesn't make you a prude.

Guilting someone into having sex with you makes you a predator.

Need advice?