WHEW okay. I am sorry. You submitted this in July and wow it is now October so....ya know...sorry. I truly hope I have not prevented you from living your best bisexual life.
I've been thinking about this question a lot (...since July) and all I keep going back to is how afraid I was to try with any women. I was TERRIFIED. And now, being where I am and who I am I really have zero idea what I was afraid of.
Rejection? Being "outed"? I'm not sure, but damn do I regret that fear.
When I started college I didn't unpack my bags and think "yeah, I'm going to fuck a woman". I knew how I felt about women but I, identifying as pansexual, never sought out anyone. I have always had this idyllic vision of how I would meet any love interest. None of those visions ever involved me making the first move. And BABY GIRL let me just tell you...make the damn move.
I WISH, oh I wish that I had been confident in myself and felt smooth enough to ask anyone out but the truth is, that shit is scary. Especially being a woman and asking another woman out. You don't know if she is queer. You don't know if she'll be gross about it and offended for whatever fucking reason but the reality is YOU DO NOT KNOW and you won't know until you ask. The like one time I've been randomly asked out, she didn't know if I was into women. She started talking to me outside of a bar, we were having fun, and she just asked if I'd be interested in letting her take me out. I said yes and we made plans.
Looking back, there were so many opportunities. There were so many times that I talked myself out of saying the thing, or doing the thing. I am STILL mad about a time that I didn't ask this cute barista out.
So I went to a coffee shop and the barista had on a Destiny's Child concert t-shirt and Beyonce was NOT centered between Kelly and Michelle in the image. I complemented her shirt and said I loved that Beyonce wasn't center because I *for years* blamed Queen Bey on the break up of Destiny's Child. She laughed and said that was exactly why she loved the shirt. Oh...okay...match made in heaven? Probably. We chatted and it was cute and... that was that. I didn't say shit and months later I found her on insta and GUESS WHAT?! She is gay. She had a partner at the time but whatever, vibes were there. Y'all this was YEARS ago. I'm still mad.
So all that to say, if you meet a woman you're interested in, talk to her, make the move and see where it goes.
NOW...the truly hard part. Meeting them.
Unfortunately, most of the people I've ever been with or talked to I've met on apps. We're talking three whole human beings. I am not a fan of the apps. I despise the back and forth bullshit of figuring each other out. Let's just meet up for coffee and if we vibe, great, if not, no harm. If you don't hate the apps, LEX is cool for queer meetups. They are queer run and queer focused. People post there for hookups, dating, friendship, whatever. I've never met anyone from LEX but take note, my app game is GARBAGE so.
Other ways to meet interested ladies...find your queer community. Go to the festivals. Go to the events. Go to those spaces and those talks. This is difficult in some places and you might have to dig a little bit to find them in your area but I promise it'll be worth it.
The best advice I've ever heard about dating is to date yourself and see what happens.
Meaning, go to that gallery opening, go to that show, go on that trip and put yourself out there. You're not going to meet anyone sitting at home doomscrolling on instagram. Unless you're just incredible and sliding into someone's DMs, can't relate. Do shit by yourself. Or with friends but also, do shit by yourself. You need it. Take a class, just try new shit out so you can meet new people.
So sweet sweet bi-baby, how "out" are you? Now y'all know, I don't think anyone owes anyone a coming out story, but if you're not putting it out there that you're interested in one way or another... how she gonna know?
Anyway I am THE WORST at dating so I hope you thrive and do hella better than I ever have. Get you some.
If you need advice or just want to shoot the shit, submit a Q! Or a statement. Hate what I have to say? Let me hear it.